And then our baby turned 1

Tonight, actually several times this week, I've been remembering what was going on this week last year. A year ago tonight I was on bed rest at the hospital and not happy about it! I was really missing my family, I was really missing my bed (I had slept on a labor bed the night before -- worst bed ever!). I wanted to go home that night but couldn't because my blood pressure was too high. I even tried to make a deal with my doctor and told him if he let me sleep in my own bed that night I'd come back in the morning for the c section, he didn't go for it. Thankfully (after a mini pregnant lady meltdown) the nurse let me take a nice hot shower and moved me into my own room with a much more comfortable bed. It felt like heaven. I remember wondering if that was going to be my last good night's sleep for awhile when I went to bed that night. Little did I know that was definitely going to be the case! The next morning I woke up with a song in my head. Not one I'd heard or thought about - it was just in my head. Does that ever happen to you? It happens so often with me that I've come to think its the Lord telling me something. On September 22, 2011 I woke up with the song "Today is the Day" in my head. I just kept singing, "I'm not worried about tomorrow, I'm trusting in what You say. Today is the day" - How awesome the Lord was already putting that in my heart knowing what laid ahead of me that day. Not only was it one of the most precious days of my life - the day I met my third baby - but also one of the hardest because it brought about some fear, doubt, and anxiety wondering what was ahead of us. I love the Lord for knowing us so well He gives us peace before we ask for it. 

Sometimes its hard for me to think back to Anniston's birthday. That first night was the longest night of my life. I remember my nurse taking my blood pressure and telling me until went down a bit I couldn't go see Annie. That killed me. I was physically trying to lower my blood pressure by taking slow, cleansing breaths and praying. They kept telling me she was so upset that she couldn't slow her breathing and I just kept thinking, "she needs me! She needs to hear my voice and smell me and know she's safe with her mommy." Do you know how heartbreaking it was to feel completely helpless? Stupid c sections. For a week or so after Annie came home I worried she wouldn't bond well with me because of the initial separation. I'm so thankful thats not at all the case. She's known from the beginning who her mommy is. We are quite attached! :) And I've loved every second of being her mommy since the moment I laid eyes on her. And as hard as it was and is to remember, I wouldn't change it. Because thats Anniston's story. And God's using it and will continue to use it for His glory. I believe that whole-heartedly. 

Dear Anniston, 

As of 5:30 tomorrow night, you are ONE YEAR OLD! I know everyone says this but it really is hard for me to believe you're already a year old. I know that 365 days pass at the same rate each year but it seems like this past year FLEW. You've had quite an exciting year. 

 You are an exceptional snuggler. 

 You've always had a very special bond with Daddy. The first night he was the only one you got to hear and be near because mommy had to get her legs back and all this silly post-op stuff down before I could come see you. It was killing me to be so far from you (just down the hall) but it made me feel much better knowing you at least had your daddy with you. 

 Mommy & Daddy took LOTS of pictures of you during our visits to the NICU that first week. We wanted to have as many photos of all your funny/sweet/silly faces available because we missed you so much. 

 Your first Christmas, 3 months old

 You fit right in with your silly brother & sister and love playing with them. 

 Your first bite of cereal. You look happy here but you were not and still aren't a fan! 

 6 months old and snuggling with your favorite guy. 

 Your first pedicure. You loved it! (You get that from me.)

 One of the most common comments we hear from people about is you that you're such a happy baby. You really are. You've always been a very content baby. The only times you cry are when you're hungry, tired or need a clean diaper.

 9 months old and starting to get mobile! 

 Your first 4th of July! You loved the fireworks!

11 months old, cheesing with the best of them! 

My sweet Annie. You have been a life-changer from the start. Obviously the first week of your life brought about a new level of trust in the Lord, appreciation for medical technology and doctors, and definitely love. I've often told people that I feel like with you, being our third, I really know how much it means to just enjoy each phase. Some of them can be exhausting while you're living through them but I always knew it would be fleeting. And while I really missed my sleep, I knew it would come. And it did. Around 7 months. And when I was so tired of cleaning up spit up (um, about 3 weeks ago) it finally ended. PRAISE THE LORD! ;) 

Your personality is really starting to show and you really are such a sweet heart. You have a strong will, but its a gentle strength. Do you know that is something your mommy has been praying for herself? You already possess a quality I wish I had. I love that! I promise you I'll continue to encourage that in you. You are one of the smiliest babies I've ever met, you love to giggle and usually Cash can get you going really well. You love to be around other kids, lots of people. You love music, you love your baby doll and soft blankie and you love to eat! 

I'm so thankful for you, Annie Kate. You are one of the most precious blessings in my life. Every day I look forward to seeing your smile and watching you learn and grow. We love you, Annie girl!

Mommy

535,600 minutes

As I was getting in the check out line at Aldi this afternoon I looked at Annie and thought to myself, "I can't believe its been a year." I took this photo a year ago today, the same day I went in to the hospital to have my contractions monitored, which began the longest 10 days of my life...

Look at what a baby Corrinne was! 

These are a few of my fav-o-rite things!

Today I had my windows open allowing the cool breeze to blow through the house, stirring up the delicious scent of Maple Pumpkin (thanks, Glade!) putting me in the mood to make some good ol' comfort food! In honor of this sudden burst of autumnal crisp-ness I have been encouraged to post a few of my favorite soup recipes. Without further ado...

White Chili (We had this for dinner and I can't take credit for the recipe.)

3 chicken breasts, cubed (or if you want an easier route, use a lb of ground chicken like me!)
2 tsp. garlic powder
1 med. onion, diced
1-15 oz. chicken broth
1 tsp. ground cumin
1/2 tsp. pepper
2 cans Northern beans
1-7 oz. can diced green chiles
1 can cream style corn
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper

Saute (or brown) chicken in oil with onion, salt, pepper, and garlic powder until fully cooked. Add all other ingredients and let simmer 30 minutes.

Add:
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 cup sour cream
corn starch to thicken

We like to serve this with corn chips and shredded cheese.

Crock Pot Potato Soup
1 bag frozen Ore Ida Potatoes O'Brien
1-8 oz. cream cheese, softened
1-15 oz. chicken broth
1 bag real bacon pieces
1 can Cream of Mushroom soup

Mix together softened cream cheese and Cream of Mushroom Soup. Add to slow cooker. Add frozen potatoes, chicken broth, and bacon pieces. Cook on low 6-8 hrs. Easy Peasy!

Chicken Tortilla Soup (this is a new one and I can't lie - I got it from Pinterest!)
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 cans diced tomatoes & chiles
1 can black beans, rinsed & drained
1 can kidney beans, rinsed & drained
1 can corn
1 onion, chopped
1-32 oz. chicken broth (I like the Fit & Active low sodium one at Aldi best)
1-2 cups water
1 Tbsp. garlic powder
1 Tbsp. chili powder
1 Tbsp. ground cumin
1 Tbsp. dried cilantro (best invention EVER!)
tortilla chips
sour cream
shredded mexican blend cheese

Put chopped onion, beans, tomatoes, corn, chicken broth, water and spices into the slow cooker and stir to mix. Put chicken breasts on top, making sure they're at least partially submerged. Cook on high 7-8 hours or low 8-9 hours. Before serving remove chicken breasts and shred, if needed. Return chicken to crock pot, stir to combine.
We like to serve this with tortilla chips in bottom of the bowl, then ladle soup on top followed by some shredded cheese and a dollop of sour cream, if you like! Seriously yummy!

Happy Cooking and Happy Autumn!

This time next week my baby will be ONE YEAR OLD. You know what that means... a sobfest recount of the first minutes/hours/days/YEAR of sweet Anniston Kate's life. Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Bedtime Prayers

Tonight's bedtime looked like this:

Mom: Ok, lets pray. Do you want to pray tonight?

(Cash nodded.)

Cash: Dear God, fank you for dis bootaful day, peas tell mom & dad to take me to see the avengers in the featers (theater), peas help protect us, and peas help Mrs. Roe come back to my school tomorrow. And dear Jesus, Amen
(his assistant teacher was sick today)

Mom: That was a very sweet prayer, Cash.

Cash: Yea, that was a good one. I'm gonna pray that one again tomorrow!

I love his honest heart. Don't we all feel like that sometimes?

In the words of our 10-days-shy-of-being-one year old, Annie, Ni-night!!

6 years ago...

On this day six years ago, I went on a date with a guy named Drew. We'd been dating for six months (minus the 4 weeks "we were on a break") and I had a feeling he was going to propose soon. From the beginning I'd kind of known Drew was The One. I didn't know how to explain it, I just knew. So cliche, I know. But true! 

Anyways, given a mysterious phone call made to my dad a few days earlier that week I had a feeling it was coming soon. And with my older sister, Ashley, coming into town that Friday with her 3 week old baby girl I thought for sure it was happening that night. I even went shopping and got a new shirt and matching accessories for the occasion. Drew had called saying he made reservations at this adorable house-turned-italian restaurant in Old Towne Greenwood. Our typical Friday nights were more laid back than that. My suspicions were high. 

Drew picked me up that night and we ate dinner outside La Trattoria on their patio complete with white lights strung around the top. Drew seemed totally chill and not nervous at all so I was completely thrown off by that. Assuming it wasn't happening at dinner I ate my ravioli and enjoyed the late summer's night breeze. After dinner Drew asked what I wanted to do. I was thinking, "Don't you know what we're going to do? You're going to propose! Shouldn't you have some kind of plan???" Obviously I didn't say that, I said something like, "Oh I don't care. What do you want to do?" He suggested going to Mrs. Curl's to get some ice cream. Now, for those of you who have been to Mrs. Curl you know its no place for a marriage proposal. Its good ice cream and lots of fun for kids but...not exactly what I had in mind. Perplexed, I went along with it trying to remind myself it didn't have to happen that night. As long as he proposed eventually. As we got out of the car he reminded me to bring the camera. "Aha!! Its totally happening tonight!" I thought to myself. After he got some ice cream, we walked down to a gazebo at a nearby park. I started getting really nervous. This was starting to look more like a proposal locale. We sat on a bench inside the gazebo while Drew ate his ice cream. He kept suggesting we take pictures. I was trying not to get impatient but I was thinking, "what the heck? enough with the pictures! If he doesn't propose tonight, this is really mean!" Moment after moment seemed like a great time to propose but each one passed without any ring or question. Sigh. I finally started walking around the gazebo reading the inscriptions on the benches. The benches were dedicated to random people in the community and after a few of them we were reading them aloud in the most obnoxious voices (we're weird). I was reading one, in an english accent I believe, when I turned around to find Drew down on one knee! My heart soared! Its HAPPENING!!! 

He told me that I had made him the happiest man, that he loved me and never thought he could love someone as much as he loves me. He said he wanted to serve the Lord with me, raise babies with me... and then a giant Mac truck drove over the railroad tracks right next to us and I completely missed the end of his awesome speech! So I did what any girl would do. I said, "Can you repeat that?" :) He did. He finished it with, "Bethany Corrinne Dunaway... will you marry me?" My heart squeals just thinking about it. Of course I said yes with the cheesiest grin on my face. Here is a picture of us right after we got home and told my parents. The cheesy grin was plastered on my face for awhile: 

Here we are a week later at a friend's wedding

At the engagement party his parents had for us in California that November. Cheesy grin still intact.

A few weeks before the wedding

When I said yes to Drew that night, I couldn't have known what I was agreeing to. I knew I was saying yes to marrying a man who had stolen my heart (even though I had tried to deny he had done so - stupid girl), a man that loved the Lord and me, a man that could make me laugh like no other, a man who had protected my heart and respected my feelings, a man I was crazy in love with. But what I couldn't have known was the depth of love I would feel for him each and every day from that day forward. We have been through some incredible high points, and some earth-shakingly low points. He makes me heart beat faster - sometimes with passion and sometimes with fury, he still makes me laugh harder than anyone else, he knows me better than anyone else, he's given me three beautiful babies. He provides for our family. He prays for me. He makes me a better person. I can't imagine a day without this man. And I can't imagine a more perfect love story than ours.

Andrew Morgan Hollingsworth, I'm so glad I said yes. 

I have a heavy Mommy heart tonight

Remember this little man? 

Well he started preschool a few weeks ago! 

He's in the 4 year old class 3 days a week at a local christian school and absolutely loves it! Our little shy guy has totally blossomed into this charming, well behaved, student. I love that he enjoys going to school so much (he seriously had a meltdown last Friday when he realized it wasn't a school day. Loves it.) But my heart does ache a bit knowing how quickly the last four years have passed. The next four will surely pass just as fast, if not faster. Not cool! 

 And sweet little 3 day old Corrinne? 

She's a sassy, spunky, ears-pierced, lip gloss loving, 13 year old in a 3 year old body! ;) 

My heart aches for newborn Corrinne tonight as she's laying in her crib for the last time. I remember her first night in her crib. And even though we've waited REALLY long to make the transition into a big girl bed, it seems like its here way too soon. 

Ohhh, sweet little Anniston! 

I knew from experience how quickly the days would pass, but it doesn't seem right that in a matter of weeks you'll turn ONE! This has, no doubt, been the shortest year of my life! I fear that my memories of you as a baby will be blurry because of everything else going on. I pray that God will somehow grant me supernatural powers to memorize every facial expression, every funny little thing you do, every sweet snuggle and kiss I get from your slobbery lips. You are such a sweet baby. 

I recently had a fellow mom tell me that the days are long but the years are short. Thats the best description of motherhood I've ever heard. I know too often I find myself feeling frustrated with the busyness of my days, the constant cycles of dishes, laundry, diaper changes, time outs, and bottles. But I'm not that anxious to trade that in just yet. I'm praying now more than ever that God would allow me to focus on my kids. To spend more time reading to them, playing make believe with them, and just laughing with them, being present with them. Who cares about dishes, right? Clean clothes are overrated. Right? 

Im off to snuggle Annie before she gets any bigger... 

The BIG 3!

 Oh, my sweet Corrinne. How did you go from this...

to this...

OVERNIGHT?! 

I can hardly believe my sweet little chubby cheeked girl is a big three year old complete with pierced ears and a big girl hair cut. You are such a bright spot in so many people's lives. I love the vibrance in your laughter, everything you say is with such conviction, and you are full of personality. 

You still love to sing and dance, and most recently you've added an imaginary microphone (most often used in when singing in the car) and you love to play air guitar. Your favorite songs are "Lord, I'm Amazed", "Oh, Happy Day", and "Young" by Fun. You're a big Coldplay fan and frequently ask to listen to Kari Jobe - your current fave is "Scars" and you LOVE "God's Not Dead" by the Newsboys. You love all things pink, ballet, and baby dolls. You usually have about 5 layers of lip gloss on and at least one tube in your hand, just in case you need a touch-up! Your nails are usually always painted and you are loving temporary tattoos! At your 3 year check-up both the nurse and Dr. Blanchard thought you had a bruise on your forearm and were so relieved to find out it was just your Strawberry Shortcake tatt. ;) 

Corrinne, as I always say - Your Daddy and I feel so blessed to have been given the gift of being your parents. You are always teaching us so much about parenthood. You are quite the strong-willed little lady...and thats ok! Frustrating at times, but ok because you also have the biggest heart and can be such a sweetheart. Never forget that God had written all of your days before a single one came to pass and He loves you more than your daddy and I ever could. Continue to pray to Him, continue to seek His will and learn His word. 

I love you sweet girl, 

Mommy 

And that's all I'll say about that

There are two sides to every story, every argument, every debate. I happen to stand on the less popular side, so it seems these days. And thats ok. Because I know not every person is going to agree with me. In fact, not very many do. The great thing about our make up as humans is that we were given a brain and the ability to choose for ourselves how to think, how to feel. We're not robots. So you can have your opinion and I can have mine. Add to that the fact that we live in a country that has given us the freedom to express those opinions... BONUS! We're all happy, right? Sure doesn't seem that way.

I stand for what the Bible says. I stand for what it says regarding lots of controversial issues including premarital sex, adultery, gossip, murder, abortion, and most recently debated but definitely not the least - homosexuality. But please understand me when I say this - just because I stand for something does not mean I hate, discriminate against, or will not associate myself with anyone participating in that lifestyle. I can't sit in a place of judgement so please do not assume thats what I'm doing when in fact, I'm just standing for what I believe in - just like you are - except perhaps on the other side of the discussion. 


We are called to love one another. It is possible to love someone without condoning their actions. I do it  daily with my own children. So please, please, please do not mistake my stance on this issue as hateful or discriminatory. As everyone has said, we're all entitled to our own opinions. You can have yours. I can have mine.

Today this little man turned four! As you can see he's very excited about it. 

Actually he was really excited about turning four. All week he's talked about it as if turning four is a privilege, "Mommy, I get to be FOUR!" I have to admit that so far, this is my favorite age. ;) Awhile back I saw an idea on pinterest that I thought would be so neat to have over the years, its a birthday interview: 20 questions you ask your child on his/her birthday to document their likes/dislikes for that age. So tonight at dinner I interviewed Cash and here are his answers... 

1. What is your favorite color? black 

2. What is your favorite toy? motorcycle & Batman

3. What is your favorite fruit? apples

4. What is your favorite TV show? Batman show (Truth be told, he doesn't watch a lot of TV (movies are a different story) and recently my younger brother discovered super old episodes of Batman & Robin on Netflix, so I think thats what he's talking about.) 

5. What is your favorite think to eat for lunch? peanut butter crackers or hot dogs

6. What is your favorite thing to wear? My Superman t-shirt

7. What is your favorite game to play? Hide & Seek

8. What is your favorite snack? fruit snacks

9. What is your favorite animal? Elephant

10. What is your favorite song? "Superhero" by Hillsong Kids

11. What is your favorite book? The one Nana & Pops gave me. (This is super sweet because Drew's parents gave us one of those recorded books to the kids just a few days before his dad, Pops, passed away. Most treasured book in the house.) 

12. Who is your best friend? Caedon Kiesel

13. What is your favorite cereal? Cinnamon Toast Crunch

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play with Eden & Rachel (the neighbor kids)

15. What is your favorite drink? Chocolate milk

16. What is your favorite holiday? christmas (good answer!)

17. What do you like to sleep with? my stuffed dog

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? bacon, scrambled eggs, and sausage

19. What do you want to have for dinner on your birthday? hot dogs

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? a superhero!

Dear Cash,

Today you turned four and already you're telling me next year you'll be FIVE! I can't believe how quickly the time is passing and more than ever I'm praying that you'll always know our love for you and more importantly, God's love for you. You can do anything you want in this world! I believe God has huge plans for your life, if you only trust Him, He'll lead you to them. 

I love you for your sweet nature that is quick to help Annie when she needs something, your determination when it comes to figuring out a new toy or learning something new, your silliness when you're playing, and the way you protect me when you think Daddy's trying to get me. You are my favorite boy in this entire world and I couldn't love you more! You make my life so much sweeter and full of joy! 

Love, 

Mommy 

Pump, Pump, Pump it UP!

Ah, breast feeding.

Such a controversial topic and yet, if you are a young woman in your twenties and should find yourself in a group of either pregnant women, new moms, or even experienced moms its a topic that is almost inevitable to arise.

Lets just clear the air on something right off the bat. I did nurse each of my 3 babies, but not necessarily because I think its "better" than formula. I always wanted to nurse when they were newborns for the antibodies helping their tiny immune systems and selfishly for the bonding aspect. Plus they're just so sweet! But to be honest, once my babies hit 4-5 months I'm kind of "over it". Not to say I don't enjoy holding Anniston and spending time with her. I just don't enjoy having to get half-naked to do it. Every 3-4 hrs. Regardless of where I am. BUT... vastly different from formula, breast milk is free. Gloriously free! And tailored to your child's digestive system, full of every nutrient a baby needs, yada yada yada!

So to sum it up, I don't looooove breast feeding and I don't hate it. But if there is one aspect of it that I hate it would be.... pumping. As I'm typing this, I'm avoiding pumping. I hate pumping.

First there's the inconvenience of having to sit next to an outlet which is always near the most uncomfortable chair or off in a secluded room so you have to go sit alone. Then you have to hook everything up - horns on bottles, tubes in horns - and if you're using a double pump there's the added un-coordination of attaching both sides to yourself at the same time and figuring out how to keep them attached while you turn the pump on. And then you wait. And listen to the pump "talk". Yes talk. The repetitive suction starts to turn you into a crazy person hearing phrases over and over... "re-lease. re-lease. re-lease." Its true. Ask any pumping mom. Then there's the physical let-down and then the emotional let down when you realize you've only pumped 3 oz when you know your baby's drinking at least 5 when she takes bottles. And the panic sets in... "What if I'm not making enough? What if she's not gaining weight? I should start taking fenugreek.  Maybe we need to be supplementing." and on and on.

Why would a person put themselves through such distress? Why, I ask you? WHY?

Because we moms are crazy. In almost every sense of the word. We go through crazy bodily and hormonal changes during pregnancy, intense pain in childbirth; worry, doubt, absolute adoration and elation are emotions that we feel on a daily basis - sometimes all within in the same instance. All because we love our children. More than we will ever be able to communicate and more than any woman could understand until she first lays eyes on her baby.

so even though I do it grudgingly...off to pump, I go.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Usually on Thanksgiving Eve I post my thank you list. Well, this year is a bit different. Sure I could sit here and list out several things or people I'm thankful for this year (and if you're a facebook friend, you've seen my daily "Today I'm thankful for..." posts) but this year I'm basically thankful for one all-encompassing thing: God's faithfulness.

It was a little over a year ago when I started Beth Moore's study on Esther - and if you haven't done this study yet, PLEASE DO! It remains my all-time favorite of hers. Anyways, I remember watching Beth speak in one of her videos and feeling envious of how close she seems to God. Not that God is closer to some than he is others - the bible says he doesn't play favorites - but I believe Beth has asked God to be her everything, to walk so closely with her that without prayer, without the Word, her life would turn upside down. And I wanted that kind of relationship with God. I remember asking God to draw me so near to him that I could see him at work in my life, for real.

Let me tell you. He answered. Time and time again I've seen his hand at work. But it hasn't always been the way I thought he'd answer.

Its no secret that I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I love that I get to be home with our kids every day. But there are days I really wish I was the one getting up, going out into the world of adults with grown-up conversations and lunch dates and coming home to dinner and laundry done. (In Drew's defense, this totally happens on the semi-rare occasion I'm gone while he's home with the kids.) And I definitely wish I was getting a pay check when it comes time to review the good ol' budget. Finances have not been as great this year yet we continue to trust God with them by being faithful in our tithes and offerings. And time and time again God has met our every need. Not that checks have magically appeared in the mail (although that has happened before) He answered that prayer in other ways. When we were preparing for Anniston's arrival there was a "Mommy/Annie Wish List" posted on our fridge of items I just wanted to have before she was born. Things like some nursing tanks, a new breast pump, a moby wrap, new burp cloths, long-sleeve onesies, etc. God provided all of those things through random donations of many different people. A friend at church loaned me her pump, another friend loaned me some nursing tanks without even knowing I needed them, my sister-in-law was given a wrap she didn't plan on using and graciously gave it to me. My friends threw a surprise shower for me and had managed to sneak a peek at that list and got most of the items on it in addition to a huge diaper cake, some wipes and other necessities for our baby girl. Because of those donations we were able to still meet our needs financially  - because we weren't spending money on those items - and I still got to have some wants too. "He will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches..."

As you all know Anniston's birth did not come as routinely as we expected. And while I was in the hospital being monitored for my blood pressure I kept praying that God would keep her healthy and that she would do well in the delivery. He did answer my prayer, but it wasn't an "As you wish my child". She didn't do so hot, to be honest. All the nurses kept referring to her as "really sick" - which I hated - but at the time she was the baby who needed the most help in the special care nursery. But that doesn't mean God wasn't faithful. HELLO?! He made sure the hospital I delivered in, the hospital on the south side that had NO previous nicu capabilities at all, got a ventilator a mere 6 days before our baby was born because He knew she would need it. He arranged for Christ-following doctors to be the ones on call to take care of her during those first critical hours of her life, who made the decision to give her the surfactant and played a huge role in turning her breathing around. He was with her. He was with me. I knew people were praying for her and I knew they were praying for me because quite frankly, I wasn't freaking out. "Everyday Bethany" would have been freaking out in that situation. True story. I'm a worrier, I get it honestly and while I pray against it daily... it happens. But I physically felt those prayers while Annie was in the hospital and I was sending out specific prayer requests and one by one those were answered. God's glory was all over that Special Care Nursery. He is faithful.

Right after Annie came home I struggled a lot with some baby blues. I was hormonal, thats a given, but I was also dealing with grief over not having the birth experience I was prepared for and struggling to adjust to life with 3 kids. I was praying against post-partum depression and had a few of my closest friends praying with me. And each day got better but in the midst of this was my first MOPS meeting since Annie had been born. I had every excuse already to go as to why I wasn't going. First of all, it starts at 9am. To most of you, thats not a problem but since my kids don't wake up till 9 and I was just up at 6 with Anniston I was determined just to go back to sleep. But something told me to get my silly butt up and go. The speaker that day spoke right to my heart. Right now I can't even tell you what it was she said specifically but I just felt God speaking to me. And to think I almost missed out on it because I wanted to sleep! He's done that several times over the last few months.

I could go on and on but the bottom line is this. God is near. He's so near that He knows your every thought, He sees your fear, your worry, your tears. He is faithful. And when I say that I don't mean "He is faithful to make everything turn out the way you want it." What I mean is that He is faithful to show you His glory in the midst of those trials and will bring you safely to the other side. There may be heartache - but He will heal that broken heart and make you whole. There may be suffering - but He will be your strength.

I'm so thankful that as I look back on the last year I see God's hand all over our lives. In the big things, in the teeny tiny little mundane details of my everyday life. He is there. And He is faithful.

Anniston's birth story, Part 1

Last summer after hearing about some scary discoveries in a friend's delivery, another friend emailed me to let me know she would be praying for our baby and me through the duration of my pregnancy and that she hoped those stories hadn't frightened me. She assured me that God had already written our baby's birth story and it would be unique to her. Was she ever right... 

On Thursday, September 15th I went to the doctor for my 35 week visit. Everything was fine...initially. My blood pressure was a bit high but the nurse thought it could be that she just didn't get the cuff tight enough or something so she was going to have the doctor take it himself. Long story short, not only had I started dilating but my blood pressure was slightly elevated and there was protein in my urine indicating possible pre-eclampsia. After some lab work on Friday, I saw the doctor the following Monday where he confirmed that I did have pre-eclampsia, put me on bed rest and moved our c-section up 3 weeks to the following Monday, September 26th.  Drew and I were in a bit of shock! In our previous pregnancies we had never had any complications, Cash & Corrinne were both born full term: just one day shy of 40 weeks (Cash) and 39 weeks exactly (Corrinne). 

Tuesday morning (the 16th) I woke up with constant lower back pain and dull cramping in my lower abdomen. After having a nagging feeling about it all morning I decided to call the nurse just to let her know since my doctor had encouraged me to call if anything changed at all. The nurse told me to go into the hospital to be checked since my doctor didn't want me to go into labor with the pre-eclampsia. Turns out I wasn't dilating, but my blood pressure was high enough that he wanted to keep me overnight to monitor it and do another 24 hour urine catch to check my protein levels. The next afternoon (Wed. 9/21), just as I was about to be discharged - on strict bedrest with a brand new c-section date of Sunday, September 25th, (instead of Monday) my nurse decided to check my blood pressure one more time. Sure enough, it had spiked and I wasn't feeling so great. So guess who wasn't going home?! Me. 

I'm going to stop right here just to let you know how obvious it is to me that God was orchestrating this all along. So many opportunities for me to be sent home, or for me to have ignored some symptoms that could have drastically changed the outcome of our story. I'm so grateful to my doctor for having Godly wisdom (he loves the Lord -- woo hoo!) and to the Lord for being so sovereign even when I was desperately wanting to sleep in my own bed and may or may not have been a bit grouchy with my nurse when I was told I couldn't shower that second night because of my high blood pressure. ;) 

Ok, back on track. Thursday I fully expected to be sent home. My blood pressure had been down all night and nothing was really happening... until about 1:00 pm. My doctor was set to do rounds at "lunch time" which apparently is anywhere between noon and 4:00 in OB time.  Around 1:00 I randomly started contracting every 5-7 minutes for a good hour just before my doctor came in and sure enough, I had started dilating! Not only that but the protein levels in my urine had risen and while my blood pressure hadn't gone up, it hadn't really gone down either. So Dr. S. made the executive decision to go ahead and do the c-section, at 36 wks 4 days. (The goal all along had been to get the baby to 37 weeks).

I was a nervous wreck but everyone kept reassuring me that the baby would be fine, she hadn't shown any signs of distress throughout the whole hospital stay and was moving just as she should have been, etc. The only thing that didn't look good (and worried me to no end) was my placenta. The ultrasound tech had noticed some "old spots" that were probably linked to the pre-eclampsia. Knowing the placenta is the baby's source of nutrients, I didn't like that very much. 

After about an hour, I found myself in the Operating Room, numb from the belly down and waiting to meet my second daughter. After 15 minutes the felt like an eternity, I saw this beauty:

Annie started out really well! Her apgars were 8 and 9 and she was screaming! Girl's got some lungs! But after a few minutes the respiratory therapists noticed she was grunting a lot and breathing really fast. Way too fast, actually. They suspected she had some fluid in her lungs - not uncommon for a c-section baby and especially one born "pre-term". They told Drew they would be taking her into the nursery to do some x-rays to get a better look at her lungs, which is apparently protocol for preemies.

Being naive (or hopeful) I didn't expect Annie to be gone long. I thought they'd take her in, do the xrays, get her breathing slowed down and bring her back to us in our room. Well. Thats not exactly how it happened. Anniston needed a lot of help. She was breathing incredibly fast and couldn't calm down enough to slow it down. About an hour after my surgery the pediatrician came in to tell us she would be put on a CPap machine to help her breathe so she could stop breathing so quickly. And the good news - everything else looked great! She just needed help breathing essentially.  

A few hours later, Dr. K came back in and told us the CPap wasn't really working so well and she really felt like Anniston needed a break so she wanted to put her on the ventilator - the ventilator that wasn't even available at this hospital until just 6 days prior to Annie's birth. Thank you, God, for providing before we even knew we needed it.  If she needed to stay on the vent longer than 24 hrs, she would have to be transferred to another hospital nearby that has a higher level NICU. She also wanted to give Annie a dose of Surfactant - a synthetic form of the enzyme already in our lungs to keep the tiny air sacs open. She really felt like this would allow her to slow her breathing down so she didn't tire out and just stop trying to breathe altogether. This was when I realized she wouldn't be wheeled into our room anytime soon... 

I immediately sent an email out to our church's prayer list asking for specific prayer that she would slow her breathing and not need to ventilator longer than 24 hrs. I couldn't bear the thought of sending my baby to a hospital and being separated from her. 

I finally got to see Anniston at 5:30 the next morning. She was just as gorgeous as I had suspected! The tubes and ventilator didn't seem to phase me at the time. I was just in love. Looking back at those pictures now is rough. But we're so thankful we're beyond that. 

At noon, the director of the special care nursery came in to tell us Annie was a rock star and came off the ventilator. Her breathing had slowed down dramatically thanks to the surfactant  and she was just on a nasal canula and she didn't expect her to be on that very long -- not even until the end of her shift that afternoon! Thank you, church family, for praying. It works! 

 This picture is from 5:30 that evening, right before I held her for the first time. Her vent had come out - she just had a nasal canula running a constant flow of room air. Girlfriend was breathing on her own less than 24 hours later! Thank you, Lord, for providing doctors that were quick to act according to what was in the best interest of our baby. 

Even 24 hrs later, there is nothing like holding your baby for the first time. Instant love! 

See that bald spot on the side of her head? Yep, she rubbed that off in my belly! She was constantly hitting my hip bone on the right side and when I asked the nurses about her bald spot they said she must have been born with it and explained that sometimes babies rub hair off in the womb! Crazy!!!

Annie got a few feedings from her feeding tube that day (Friday) but that evening we got to try nursing, she was awesome! The doctors just kept marveling at how great she was doing and how quickly she turned around. We gave God the glory and continue to do so!

Unfortunately Annie didn't get to come home with us. On Sunday evening, I had to say goodbye to her and cried the entire walk out of the hospital. It felt so weird to leave without my baby. While I hated not having her in my hospital room while we there, I was just down the hall. I could go see her anytime I wanted, and I did. How was I going to balance being with Cash & Corrinne, who hadn't had their mom home in 5 days, and being with my newborn who I desperately wanted to bond with and care for? HOW?! It is so true when they say God's grace is sufficient. He gives you the grace and strength specific to your need. I don't know how we made it through that week without Annie home with us, but we did. And my only answer is that God was getting us through it. I knew she was being cared for and loved on... not in the "best way" because thats only by Drew and me. ;) But I felt confident those nurses love their job and truly love those babies. And that was so encouraging to me. 

Monday night, Drew and I got to give Anniston her first real bath. She was tube-free -- except for that darn feeding tube which she pulled out at least 5 times a day! 

Tuesday morning she got rid of her feeding tube and was on bottles (of expressed breastmilk) and nursing as often as I could get up to the hospital for feedings. Thank you, Lord, for awesome friends and family who volunteered to watch Cash & Coco for us so we could be at the hospital several times a day. 

Such a pretty girl. :)

Please Welcome...

Anniston Kate

September 22, 2011 5:30 P.M.

6 pounds, 18 1/4 inches long

I am so embarassed that its taken me so long to post about Annie (I promise, Annie, it has no reflection on how loved you are by your mommy!), but life with 3 kids is pretty busy!!! I am working on a post about her birth story because it is a doozy!

In meantime just know that I'm still here - most likely nursing, changing a diaper, doing laundry (she's a spitter!), and/or cooking and cleaning up a meal - all the while loving on our sweet family and thanking God for His faithfulness and sovereignty.

Family Photos

About a month ago, one of my good friends who happens to also be a fantastic photographer (along with full time nurse, wife, and mom. I know, she needs a cape.) came over one morning and took photos of our little family straight out of bed. Well... I may have put on a bit of bronzer and mascara.... and brushed my teeth and did my hair... but everyone else was fresh out of bed. ;) Sarah had the idea to do a lifestyle shoot - she just basically followed us around and took pictures of us being "us". It was one of the most relaxed photo sessions we've been a part of and the result was awesome! So awesome in fact that a big time photographer all the way out in Vegas noticed and featured the shoot on her blog, Evoking You.

I'm so thankful to have Sarah as my friend, for so many reasons that have nothing to do with photography or blogs, but especially for the gift she gave us in photographs that will be memories held dear to my heart for years to come. (Namely the photos of Cash snuggling his blankie, Corrinne's sleepy eyes with her paci, and the kids snuggling my growing belly.)

You can check out the photos along with some more of Sarah's work here.

Thank you, again, Sarah! We love you and are so proud of you!!!

PS. Be watching for Baby H's newborn photos here in about 6 weeks. AHHHH!!

Its POTTY time!

Oh my Heavens.

Yes, that is a phrase that I've recently been using... several times a day, actually. And yes, I am really only 28 and not 78, as one would assume if they had just overheard that phrase come out of my mouth. Nonetheless, its become a favorite of mine for reasons even I am unaware of.

It beats some alternatives, I suppose.

Anyways, folks. We have survived! I know there have got to be some fellow moms out there that have laid down at night after an extra long day, or after returning home from a vacation with little children, or after a shopping trip alone with your kids, etc etc, and thought that exact phrase to themselves. Its really all about the little victories, if you ask me. And right now, I'm doing our victory dance because...

Cash is potty-trained!
(picture me raisin' the roof!) 


I'm not kidding when I say that this is one area of parenting I've literally been dreading since the day we had Cash. For some reason it just seemed like a very intimidating, daunting task that not only comes with frustration but messes to clean up! And more laundry to do. I mean, how do you really teach someone not to pee or poop whenever they want when thats all they've been doing for the first 2-3 years of their life? This explains why we waited much longer than other parents we know to try to potty-train Cash.

I had heard that if you try to push your child before he or she is ready, you're just asking for frustration and months and months of accidents. So we waited. We talked about the potty, we even bought a potty chair. But he just wasn't interested. So we waited some more.

Finally when he turned 3 we bought him some big boy underwear. He was all about wearing them, just not interested in pottying in the potty chair. At all. At that point I realized that just 4 short weeks after his 3rd birthday we were going to be driving 14 hrs for vacation and the thought of having to stop all the time to let him potty, and having it all thrown off by a different routine, location, etc was less and less appealing than just buying diapers for a few more weeks. So we settled on the idea of hunkering down and potty-training hardcore once we were home.

I'm so proud to tell you this boy was potty-trained in a matter of one week. The first few days were not fun and thats mostly my fault. I will be the first to admit I didn't do a ton of research on the different 'methods' of PT'ing. So I sat that kid on the potty every 20 minutes one day and sat in the bathroom reading books and singing songs to him with little success. Pretty dang exciting! After the second day of that we were both over it so I decided to just lay low and let him be the one to do it. Day 3 he actually pee'ed on the potty and from then on it was cake! Each day got a little better and by Day 6, boyfriend was wearing underwear all day long and keepin' them dry. (We realized that when he had a pull-up on he would just go in it. Underwear he would keep dry. In case you're in the throws of potty-training. Give it a whirl!)

We made him a chart and 7 days later, after staying dry all day he got to go buy some brand new underwear! He chose Thomas the Train undies and has been mighty proud of those things ever since. He even dropped trou' in the middle of Coco's 2 year Well Baby Visit to show his pediatrician what a big boy he is. Ha!

I realize every kid is different and we still have at least 2 more to potty-train. But at least I know its an attainable goal now. ;)

Way to go, Cashers! Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you!!!

Happy Birthday, Corrinne!

Corrinne & Mimi Ellen, the two August 4th birthday girls. :) 

Dear Corrinne, 

Today you are two years old! It doesn't seem possible that two years have passed since you came into our lives, yet we can't imagine life without you. You have grown so much over the last 12 months... most obviously is your hair! You should be so thankful that you no longer are sporting a mullet but usually have your hair in pigtails or a cute pony-tail (Daddy's favorite).

You are very spunky; always dancing, singing, joking around and giggling up a storm! My favorite phrases that you use all the time are: "No way!", "Look, Mom! Over dere!", "Dere's the hopsissal. Where babies are born...", "S'ok, Mom. I wuv you." , and "I want hamburger-burger". 

You can usually find you with at least one purse on your arm, a pair of my shoes on, and a baby doll in your arms. You love "dip doss" (lip gloss) and love to sing!  I'm pretty sure we're going to be attending a few show choir shows when you're in high school. 

You have the sweetest heart and such determination, your daddy and I are praying you use that to bring others to Christ. One thing is for sure, God's got a plan for your life, sweet girl. And I'm loving getting a front row seat at watching that unfold. 

Enjoy being two, my big girl! I love being your mommy! 

You Wouldn't Cry For Me

I've been thinking a lot about our baby in heaven the last few days. Tomorrow would have been my due date. Its crazy to think that so much time has already passed since we lost that baby, and yet I don't know that a day has gone by when I haven't thought of him or her.

Sometimes I wonder if its silly that I've mourned that loss so much. I wasn't very far along and know several women who have experienced a loss much greater than mine - have gotten farther along only to find out their baby had died. Mothers who have made it even to weeks within their due date to be told they would have to deliver a lifeless baby.

But in the very short amount of time that I knew about that baby, I had rearranged our lives to add him or her. I had figured out how old the baby would have been by Christmas, had started thinking about how old my kids would be when he or she was born. That baby was already a part of our lives, in my mind.

This evening I was reminded of a song Mandisa sang at Women of Faith last year. She told a story of a young woman at one of her concerts who was very pregnant with her first baby, a boy to be named Andrew, and when Mandisa met her she laid her hands on her belly and prayed a blessing over Andrew's life. A few weeks later she got a letter stating that Andrew didn't make it to his due date and instead of being welcomed into this world, he had been welcomed into heaven. Mandisa wrote a song for Andrew called You Wouldn't Cry and sang it for us last summer. Its beautiful and encouraging and heart-warming for anyone that has lost someone they love.

When I think of my baby in heaven, playing with other little babies, singing with the angels, and sitting on Jesus' lap. How in the world could I not be at peace? I grieve the loss of getting to know that baby, of getting to feel him or her kick and move inside me, getting to see it's face, kiss it's cheeks. But there will come a day when I get to spend eternity getting to know him or her. And thats the greatest reassurance anyone could ever have.

Beautiful For Me

I remember the day we found out we were expecting Corrinne, as in the day we found out we were having a girl. I was thrilled! Over the moon, ecstatic. For a long time I had felt totally fine with the prospect of never having kids (I know, must have been in my weird independent late teen/early 20's years), then I went on to feel ok with never having a daughter. Only having sons.

After I had Cash I knew I did really want a daughter. Not because I didn't enjoy having a son. I love having a little boy. He is my sweetheart, my cuddler, my protector (already!), my little buddy, my mini-Drew. It was just this feeling that, "OK. I have my son. Now I want a girl."

Much to our surprise, we got one! Just a mere 15 months after having our son. The day of our ultrasound, I just felt confirmation of what I had already suspected - that we would be welcoming a little girl into our family. After the visions of hair bows, dresses, tights, and huge flowers on headbands dissipated I started remembering my "awkward phase", also known as Junior High. Then I remembered all those arguments with my mom where I vowed never to be like her and promised to move out the minute I turned 18. And then I got scared. I probably thought something along the lines of "Aw, crap".

I didn't want Corrinne to feel that way about me - that I had no clue what she was going through, that I am only out to keep her from having fun. And more importantly I didn't want her to struggle with the insecurities I dealt with, and still deal with from time to time.

Then came all the thoughts about boys and dating and keeping herself pure until she's married. Making sure she knows how precious the gift of her heart is, how treasured she is, how loved she is by Drew and me and mostly by her heavenly Father.

Of course, now I know my mom was only looking out for me, I do not hate her, I didn't move out until I was 21... but thats neither here nor there. The bottom line is, I have more anxiety over raising daughters than I do sons. Why? Probably because I know what its like to grow up as a girl. I know what its like to be teased for my glasses, or lack of a chest, or skinny legs. I know the pain of a broken heart and longing to fit in. 

Corrinne received a Veggie Tales DVD last Christmas, SweetPea Beauty. Its a very cute story that highlights the importance of keeping your heart beautiful instead of focusing on your outward appearance and that God created us beautiful just the way we are. The kids watched it on our 14 hr. trip to North Carolina and back (among about 12 other movies) and are hooked.  During the closing credits a Nichole Nordeman song plays called, "Beautiful For Me". I was folding laundry one morning as the song was playing watching Corrinne twirl and sing when the lyrics caught my attention: 

"Has anybody told you you're beautiful? 

You might agree if you could see what I see. 

Everything about you is incredible, 

you should have seen me smile the day that I made you

beautiful... for me" 

Its basically a love note from God written to my precious little girl! I teared up listening to those words because even at 28 years old I needed to be reminded of those words as well. I've been praying for Corrinne's heart since she was born but lately I've made it a point to pray that she would always know how beautiful she is... inside and out. And that she would find her value in her relationship with Christ and know who she is as a daughter of the Most High God. 

Subtle Reminders

As I was sitting, indian-style, on the floor of our tiniest bathroom (the only one located on the first floor of our house, the half-bath) between two toddlers: the biggest on the toilet and the smallest on the potty chair for the 18th time yesterday, I began to wonder what my life had become.

Is this really it? Is this why God put me on this Earth?

When Cash was born I honestly felt like I had finally figured out what I was called to be in this life: a mom. I loved everything about motherhood. (Keep in mind this was in the very early stages of motherhood where all your baby does is eat, sleep, and poop.) I still love being a mom, maybe not every single aspect of it. But most of them.

I love that I'm the first person each of my kids wants when he or she gets hurt or scared. I love how Corrinne whispered, "I safe" when I picked her up once after the sound of our (incredibly loud) garage door startled her. I love when my kids randomly climb up onto my lap, just to be next to me, during the day. I love the way Cash says, "thank you, Mommy!" after I've cooked dinner for us. I love watching my kids learn, explore, laugh, and be silly together. I love seeing bits and pieces of my husband and me in our kids' appearance and personalities.

But as I sat there yesterday with dishes on the counter, laundry piling up in my room and kids whining for food every 30 minutes I thought, how boring. How lame! All I'm going to do today is clean up the kitchen 5 times, change a bajillion diapers, sit Cash on the potty every 20 minutes in hopes that he'll figure out potty training SOON, cook dinner,  clean up dinner, do some laundry, fold the laundry, intend to put the laundry away (somehow that one always escapes me for a few days). And then get up and do it all over again tomorrow. seriously? 


Thankfully with the new day came new perspective. Yes, I'm still doing laundry today and have cleaned up the kitchen twice already. I'm still in the throws of potty training my very stubborn 3 year old with minor success. I haven't showered, my bathrooms need cleaned, and my husband won't be home until long after the kiddies are in bed tonight.

HOWEVER...

I was able to help out a friend who needed someone to watch her little boys (who happen to be my kids' best friends) and hosted a play date with one of my other besties and her little girl. I laughed at Cash's made-up pee pee cheers and Corrinne's killer dance moves (that she obviously got from her momma!). I did brush my teeth and put some makeup on, so I'm not a total embarrassment to be seen with.  I played dress up with Corrinne and spoke encouraging words into my son's heart ensuring him that even though things may seem too hard to do now, I know he can do it.

There will be a day when no one needs help with sippy cups or dress up clothes. I'm pretty much banking on the fact that Cash won't always wear diapers, so someday I won't be potty training anyone. I won't be changing diapers, and praise the LORD someday... my kids will be doing their OWN laundry and emptying the dishwasher!

But today is not that day. And for now, I'm more than ok with that...