Monday, July 18, 2011

Beautiful For Me

I remember the day we found out we were expecting Corrinne, as in the day we found out we were having a girl. I was thrilled! Over the moon, ecstatic. For a long time I had felt totally fine with the prospect of never having kids (I know, must have been in my weird independent late teen/early 20's years), then I went on to feel ok with never having a daughter. Only having sons.

After I had Cash I knew I did really want a daughter. Not because I didn't enjoy having a son. I love having a little boy. He is my sweetheart, my cuddler, my protector (already!), my little buddy, my mini-Drew. It was just this feeling that, "OK. I have my son. Now I want a girl."

Much to our surprise, we got one! Just a mere 15 months after having our son. The day of our ultrasound, I just felt confirmation of what I had already suspected - that we would be welcoming a little girl into our family. After the visions of hair bows, dresses, tights, and huge flowers on headbands dissipated I started remembering my "awkward phase", also known as Junior High. Then I remembered all those arguments with my mom where I vowed never to be like her and promised to move out the minute I turned 18. And then I got scared. I probably thought something along the lines of "Aw, crap".

I didn't want Corrinne to feel that way about me - that I had no clue what she was going through, that I am only out to keep her from having fun. And more importantly I didn't want her to struggle with the insecurities I dealt with, and still deal with from time to time.

Then came all the thoughts about boys and dating and keeping herself pure until she's married. Making sure she knows how precious the gift of her heart is, how treasured she is, how loved she is by Drew and me and mostly by her heavenly Father.

Of course, now I know my mom was only looking out for me, I do not hate her, I didn't move out until I was 21... but thats neither here nor there. The bottom line is, I have more anxiety over raising daughters than I do sons. Why? Probably because I know what its like to grow up as a girl. I know what its like to be teased for my glasses, or lack of a chest, or skinny legs. I know the pain of a broken heart and longing to fit in. 

Corrinne received a Veggie Tales DVD last Christmas, SweetPea Beauty. Its a very cute story that highlights the importance of keeping your heart beautiful instead of focusing on your outward appearance and that God created us beautiful just the way we are. The kids watched it on our 14 hr. trip to North Carolina and back (among about 12 other movies) and are hooked.  During the closing credits a Nichole Nordeman song plays called, "Beautiful For Me". I was folding laundry one morning as the song was playing watching Corrinne twirl and sing when the lyrics caught my attention: 

"Has anybody told you you're beautiful? 
You might agree if you could see what I see. 
Everything about you is incredible, 
you should have seen me smile the day that I made you
beautiful... for me" 

Its basically a love note from God written to my precious little girl! I teared up listening to those words because even at 28 years old I needed to be reminded of those words as well. I've been praying for Corrinne's heart since she was born but lately I've made it a point to pray that she would always know how beautiful she is... inside and out. And that she would find her value in her relationship with Christ and know who she is as a daughter of the Most High God. 

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