We were seated around the corner from a table of all women, probably in their late 50's, some mid-60's. They were having a lot of fun. From time to time we'd hear them laugh about something and then go on chatting. I wasn't really paying a whole lot of attention to them until at one point I heard one of them giggle and it sounded just like my Grandma Dunaway. And for a split second I had forgotten that Grandma isn't here anymore.
Its just weird to me because it'll be four years ago in August that she died. But not only do I still have moments where I forget that she's gone, but I this morning I still teared up at the thought of her in the middle of Bob Evans. Of course I don't cry over missing her as much as I did the first year or so...but even now, as I write this, there are tears. I don't think the hurt will ever go away.
It hurts because she never met Drew. We started dating the March after she died. I tell myself she got to have a little window into our wedding ceremony and hope that I'm right. I also tell myself she held Cash before I did and knew him before we even knew he was on his way. And the same with Corinne. But there's still a piece of me that aches because she'll never hold them physically here on Earth for me to see and enjoy. Grandma had a special way with babies.
I'm told I have her hands, feet, laugh, and stature. (Several of those are qualities I hated about myself previously. Sorry, Grandma. ha!) I'm also told that I sound like her when I sing sometimes. Which, don't get me wrong, I love remembering the sound of Grandma's vibrato but don't necessarily want to sound like a 70 year old woman when I'm only 26. ;) Someday I'll appreciate that more I guess.
After she died I asked my dad if we'll know each other in Heaven as we do on earth. Obviously he's never been to Heaven so can't answer me for certain. But he said he thinks we'll know everyone the same. Which kind of makes me sad because in my human mind I want to think that "the great reunion in the sky" will literally be like a giant family reunion and Drew and I will just go on enjoying life together as husband and wife, etc.
(Dad reminded me that we'll be in constant communion with God, so the side relationships probably won't matter as much. Which I guess is true, but I'm still thinking with my fleshly mind here. So that kinda hurts.)
I do know that there are no tears or sadness in Heaven, so chances are she's partying it up big time with all her new friends...and Jesus, so she's probably not thinking much of us down here. But every once in awhile, like this morning, I whisper a little "Hi, Grandma. I miss you." and hope that God tells her for me.